Friday, July 24, 2015

The Funny Things Kids Say

Kids are natural comedians. They are seriously hilarious and can keep you in stitches all day long. The reason they are so funny is because they say the cutest, most ridiculous things (mispronouncing most of the words with their sweet little voices) with complete seriousness. Paul and I are never without entertainment with our chatty kiddos around. This week, I wrote down a few things that happened that I found particularly funny. These quotes might be funny to me only because I'm their mother, but either way, I thought I would share!


One morning, Emma began examining the very large mole I have on my left arm and then asked: "Mommy, did I spill coffee on you right here?"


Me: "Emma, you are gorgeous!"
Emma: "No, I'm Emma!"

I was walking past the bathroom on my way to the laundry room when I spied Matthew staring at himself in the vanity mirror while opening his mouth as wide as he could.

"Matthew, what are you doing?"
"I'm looking for my second mouth. It's stuck in my throat, I think!"
"Your second mouth?"
"Yes. Like the Moray eel. It has two mouths and I'm just trying to find my other mouth."

You know, he's right about those eels!


Paul and I are sitting on the couch talking when Matthew wanders in with his hand on his chest:
"I can feel my heart beating!"
Paul takes Matthew's hand and places it on the side of his neck: "You can also feel your heart beating in your neck, Matthew."
Matthew perks up: "Yes! Because I have two hearts!"
Paul: *Facepalm*


Paul called me on my cell while I was out driving to the store with Emma. I answered it in the usual fashion: "Hi Honey!"
From the backseat, Emma says: "Daddy's not honey!"
Me: "Daddy is my honey, Emma!"
Emma, with a frantic voice: "No! Please don't eat Daddy, Mommy!"


Emma's Version of "Baa Baa Black Sheep"

Blaah Blaah Black Sheep have you any wool?
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, tree bags hole
One for ma master and one for the name,
one for the name,
one for the name,
one for the name,
one for the name....

...and repeat about 100 more times before she starts the song over. 
It's great fun when she starts singing this in the car.


Matthew and I took Lucy to the doctor for her her 2-month appointment while Paul stayed home with a napping Emma. Lucy had to get three shots in her thigh during that visit. The nurses tried to get Matthew to leave the room while they administered the shots to Lucy but he wanted to stay with her. (I asked if Matthew was staying then perhaps they could remove me from the room since I hate watching my babies get their shots, but they just laughed at me). Anyway, right before they gave Lucy her first shot, I told Matthew to start talking to Lucy to distract and comfort her. So, Matthew stroked Lucy's head while saying, "Oh it's a really BIG needle Lucy. Really, really big! This is going to hurt a lot!"
"Matthew! That's not exactly comforting. Say something else! Sing to her or play peek-a-boo."
"Ok. Peek-a-Boo! Lucy, you need to get your shots or else you will die. You don't want to die, do you?"

The kid is no Florence Nightingale.


After removing Emma's flip-flops while getting her ready for bed one night, she noticed the "V-shaped" impressions the shoes left on her little fat feet and began to panic. With tears beginning to well up in her eyes, she pointed at her feet and cried: "Look, Mommy! I have a crack in my feet!!!"


  1. These just made my day! Thank you for sharing! :)

  2. I love reading these about just about any kid. Hilarious.