My Daughter, My Shadow

Practicing for her upcoming role as the "big sister" of our family. She's going to be awesome at it.

Emma has always been my little shadow. From the time she could barely sit up, she loved to stay near me while I went about the day, performing little tasks here and there. Before she could walk, she would stand, clutching onto the edge of the coffee table with a rag clutched in her tiny fist and dust the surface for me while I tidied up the rest of the room. When I am brushing my hair, she sits at my feet and attacks her own mane with her tiny little brush. While I am taking a shower, she often tries to climb in or just waits outside until I am finished asking me every now and then: "Ok, Mommy? Ok?"

But her favorite activity has always been watching me apply my makeup. I don't wear a lot of makeup - a little fill for my eyebrows (since they fall out when I'm pregnant - lovely), some blush for my cheeks, a touch of eye shadow and mascara, and maybe a bit of lipstick. She's always been fascinated watching me apply it and ever since she was about 9-months old has begged me to give her some lipstick so she can "smack her lips" after application. At first, I found it very cute but then, as she became more mobile and vocal, it became a bit annoying. She would search my room for the makeup bag which I kept stored up high in our bathroom closet. Whenever I brought it out, she would begin to fumble inside, opening containers and trying to take out the applicator brushes so she could apply the color to her face all by herself. If I was in a hurry or just not in the mood to deal with her grabby fingers, I found myself very frustrated with her. Sometimes, I would try to put the makeup on when she was nowhere in sight - quickly and discreetly- often while locked in my closet - so that I wouldn't have to deal with her.

Emma has a fantastic sense of humor. She is always laughing about something.

The other day, I was downstairs cleaning the kitchen and turning over the laundry. Emma and Matthew had been playing puzzles in the living room, but then Emma had wandered upstairs to her playroom. I had heard her up there playing with one of the Little People sets. I went into the laundry room to empty the dryer when I suddenly heard a "thump" from above me. It was pretty loud - and the room right above the laundry room is my bathroom. I put the laundry down and walked upstairs. I found Emma sitting in the middle of our bathroom floor with my makeup bag dumped out, the contents strewn about the floor - most of them already opened. Emma's face had a generous amount of blush applied to her little chunky cheeks, as well as a big blob of blue eye shadow on each eye. She had also opened both bottle of mascara and attempted to apply it to her eye lashes but had missed and instead stained the skin right below her lower lid as well as her eyebrows.

I was enraged. She had climbed the shelving of the bathroom closet to get that makeup bag down. In addition, she had opened every single container and half the powder and brushes were dumped on the floor in a gigantic, colorful mess. I don't have or buy a lot of makeup and she had singlehandedly ruined a good portion of my supply. That was all I could think about. I sternly picked her up and angrily told her she was never to be in Mom's bathroom without permission. I washed the makeup off her face angrily while she sobbed. Then, I put her in her crib while I cleaned the rest of the mess up. Her sobbing could be heard throughout the entire house.

We had the pleasure of babysitting the baby of a dear friend.
Emma would not leave his side. She's such a sweet little girl and loves the babies!

Then, as I was cleaning up the mess, I realized how perfectly endearing the situation had been in all reality. She was only trying to be just like her Mommy. She admired and loved me so much that she wanted to follow the same routine. She had even chosen the color palettes that I gravitate towards the most while applying my makeup even though she had opened every single one (probably while in search for the appropriate color). The whole situation was sweet and innocent and I should not have become so angry with her over it. Granted, she should not have raided my closet or dangerously scaled my closet shelving - that was honestly the more serious issue rather than a bagful of ruined makeup - but I wish I had been more gentle in my handling of the situation. She is my little shadow - and she will watch and imitate everything I do. That in of itself is humbling and makes me want to be better for her sake so that someday she does not grow up to make the same mistakes I commit on a daily basis!

I wish I had captured a photo of her "made up" little face that day. Every time the memory of it floats through my head, I give her an extra squeeze and a kiss. She is so sweet, innocent, and precious and I am so very blessed to be her mother.